By Jeff Zazslow
Yes! Or, on second thought: No!
Lately, the dynamics contained in those two words -- "yes" and "no" -- are fueling more motivational tomes and seminars than ever. Just look at today's self-help bookshelves: "Why Great Leaders Don't Take Yes for an Answer." "How to Say No Without Feeling Guilty." "The Answer to How Is Yes."
"The two most fundamental words in the English language are yes and no," says William Ury, co-author of the best-seller "Getting to Yes" and director of Harvard University's Global Negotiation Project. "Life is the dance of yes and no. Every second, we're saying, 'Yes, I'll do this,' or 'No, I won't.' "
But why does our culture make us want to boil everything down to yes or no? Can focusing on those two words really change our lives? And whatever happened to maybe?
On the yes front, motivators embrace America's optimistic spirit, delivering the message "You are what you think," says Jonathan Black, who investigated the motivational industry for his 2006 book "Yes You Can!" He found that seminar attendees are encouraged to be "totally yes/positive." The message: "If you say yes to the universe, the universe will say yes back to you."
One danger is that yes disciples can end up sounding like Meg Ryan in the restaurant scene from "When Harry Met Sally." "Yes! Yes!" she said, acting out how women fake lovemaking. "Yes! Yes! Oh, yes! Yes! Yes!"
Many inspirational workshops and books are built on "literally half a thought," says Mr. Black, but even if a spiel is simplistic, people can find value in it because it helps them picture achieving their goals. The runaway self-help hit "The Secret" -- available in DVD and book form -- lands firmly in the yes camp by preaching that if you envision what you want, it will be yours.
Workplace consultant BJ Gallagher uses her book "Yes Lives in the Land of No" to help companies. She predicts that the 2008 presidential candidate with the most idealistic "yes" persona will prevail. "Yes always wins," she says. "People want the optimist who says America is great and getting greater."
Jeffrey Gitomer may be America's top yes man. Author of the "Little Gold Book of Yes! Attitude," he has trademarked the term "Yes! Attitude." In his book, he explains that he is using the phrase to create "online courses and helpful products ad infinitum," and he reminds readers that they need his permission to use "Yes! Attitude" in their writings or training programs. His book encourages the memorizing of mantras such as: "The main reason people rain on my parade is because they have no parade of their own."
Those in the "no" camp, of course, don't want to align themselves with rained-on parades. Instead, they sell the concept of using no to put on the brakes. In Jim Camp's upcoming book "No: The Only Negotiating Strategy You Need for Work and Home," he advises us to start every negotiation with the word no, whether it involves our teenagers' curfews or clients seeking a price break. "No" allows for a closer look at the real issues, says Mr. Camp, a negotiating coach.
Mr. Ury agrees. "Right now, the world is hurtling so fast -- whether it's expanding email or eroding ethics -- and we need to be able to use the stop button, to say 'no' as a complement to 'yes,' " he says. His latest book, out next week, is "The Power of a Positive No."
Eight of the Ten Commandments are framed as no's, Mr. Ury says, but our culture stigmatizes the word. He points out that when toddlers assert themselves by saying no, we attribute it to "the terrible twos." As he sees it, Rosa Parks was a heroine of the positive no, because she said no to surrendering her bus seat, which was a way of saying yes to dignity and equality for all.
Meanwhile, the one word motivators speak of most dismissively is "maybe." They call it wishy-washy and counterproductive. "'Maybe' is absolute death to effectiveness," says Mr. Camp.
It's a fair point. After speaking to these yes and no enthusiasts, I've come to a conclusion: Maybe they're on to something.